Inspired in the spring, as always

Those teasing blue March skies - clear and cloudless, blue to the point of pain - the suggestion that spring is near and waiting, yet delicately waiting to exhale a warm breath on the back of our necks. Sunshine and shadows, and that unblemished sky drawing us nearer to the windows, our inhalation of the defrost and awakening to come - and the harsh late winter wind! Cruel, merciless, and beguiling.

Always in the spring I feel refreshed, inspired, and ready to take on the world. I, like the rest of the natural world, slowly start to awaken from my deep mental hibernation of the last few months. This winter has proved all the more challenging as this was my first New England winter- and of course, the year I move up here, the snowiest in years past. Working in higher education has allowed me to retain the rhythm of the school year, and as March and April roll around, I feel the days growing longer and think about the respite of summer break. The sense of closure, the prospect of a break, and the excitement of moving onward are instilled in me during this time of year.

This year is no exception to feeling inspired. Having just survived my first national conference, I see the wealth of possibilities and where I need to be focusing my energies. My move to Boston was a huge transition, and the perfect opportunity for me to finally pinpoint what I need to be doing to develop myself professionally. (Personal development is worthy of another post.) I have found my fatal flaw to be, as one colleague put it, The Scarlet M - my lack of a master's degree. The glass ceiling in my field is crystal clear, and the fact that I even got my present position still amazes me from time to time.

I have been struggling since I started this position. It's not the workload, or the people, or the sheer logistics - ultimately, it's been the transition in general: uprooting myself from a comfortable, fairly predictable life with a solid base of friends and colleagues to an area of the country that is a) wicked colder b) farther from my family c) rife with opportunity in higher ed and d) where I know virtually no one compared to my circle of friends at home. Home - it took three years to call it that, and now I was leaving as quickly as I had gone down there in the first place.

My sense of stability was completely taken from me. The prospect of the new, the different, and all the work required on my part to adapt - these were all daunting thoughts I did my damnedest to bury and avoid.

The biggest challenge of moving here with no connections was finding work in a field that practically demands a graduate degree. My scarlet M was practically red hot, and in this position, I am paying my dues. I thought sticking it out for experience's sake would be enough, but it's not. I was so grateful then, for a particular session at this conference last week, that highlighted online graduate degree programs in the field. They are few and far between, but they exist. So I pooled my resources, figured out if I can make this work financially and still balance a full-time job, and applied to grad school yesterday.

I'm still kind of in denial that I actually applied yesterday. It's as though my rational, professional developmentally focused self has moved swiftly and independently of my typically hesitant, unfocused nature.

I created this blog last week as a source to vent about my scarlet M, and the struggles and tribulations of being a working professional in a field where the lack of a master's degree is perhaps the ultimate taboo - and here I have applied to a grad school. But I suppose with the inhalation of spring, so came the resolution to move forward, to spring ahead like daylight savings, to close the book on slow, plodding, indolent winter.

In the spring, I have found acceptance. Recognition of what's passed. Acknowledging it's time to move on.

I always seem to start new journals in the spring...

...funny how that always seems to be the case.